Have You "Met" Gretchen Rubin?

I first encountered Gretchen's writing in Real Simple magazine in about 2010, where she made a really useful distinction that really struck a chord with me:

There are two types of decision makers. Satisficers... make a decision once their criteria are met. Maximizers want to make the best possible decisino. Even if they see a bicycle or a backpack that meets their requirements, they can't make a decision until they've examined every option. Satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers. Maximizers expend more time and energy reaching decisions, and they're often anxious about their choices. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

With this, she caught my attention, and I went on to read her first book, The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun. I'm sure some would categorize this (and her more recent books) as a "Self-Help" book, but I think it's more of a "practical memoir". She decided to challenge herself with a project in which she would apply in a very tangible way the results of her studies on what makes people happier. The result is a humorous and memoir, with a lots of useful tidbits of inspiration and information that are very applicable to the lives of ordinary human beings like us. I appreciate the breadth of her research (everything from Aristotle's wisdom through the most modern research). I also found that she approaches a subject with humility, balance, and openness to the truth.

And, of course, I couldn't help but appreciate, from her secular point of view, the advice she gives that everyone needs a spiritual guru - and hers is St. Therese of Lisieux!

I must admit that I am behind by a book. I have not yet read her second "practical memoir", Happier at Home: Kiss More, Jump More, Abandon Self-Control, and My Other Experiments in Everyday Life.

Yesterday, she released the third book along these lines, which I have now in my possession and am most eager to read, Better Than Before, Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives.  I've only managed a quick peek so far, but it looks excellent.

P.S. I also enjoy her blog, GretchenRubin.com


Oh yeah, and "Enthusiasm is a form of social courage." - Gretchen Rubin  :)

Paradoxical, but so true! Source

Danielle Bean's Momnipotent: An Incomplete and Slightly Quirky Review ;)

I have to admit something of my own struggles in order to properly introduce this book. I'm the type of person who struggles with anxiety and under-confidence on a continual basis...

A few months ago, I was vaguely aware that my online friend Danielle Bean had a new book being published about being a mom. Honestly, I didn't really click any of the links about it. One day, I got an e-mail from a local friend who had read a sample of Momnipotent online, and was amazed to discover (as was I!) that I was mentioned in this sample.

Naturally, I had to go find and read it for myself (click here to read the excerpt), and was delighted to discover that Danielle had taken a concept that I apparently helped introduce to the Catholic homeschool world, that of Age Quod Agis (which means "do what you are doing"), and run with it in a really beautiful and helpful way.

The really funny part for me is that reading that excerpt from her book was exactly what *I* needed to read at the time - both to be reminded of the concept of Age Quod Agis and the gist of what she was drawing out of it. The experience made me think that maybe sometimes God does put something out there with your name on it just so that *you* will pay attention. ;)

I'm looking forward to reading the whole thing soon. 

Getting Organized, Part One...

While I'm always, to some extent, working on getting things better organized in our very active and sometimes chaotic household, I've been on a pretty good roll in making new and substantial progress and improvement in the last six months or so and I thought it might be a good thing to share some of these ideas on this blog (partly as a way of getting more actively blogging once again).

Honestly, I have to credit the beginning of this new streak with my joining of Pinterest. While some people find it a place to waste too much time dreaming of things, it hit me in just the right place and provided inspiration where I was in need of it. I actually joined Pinterest to get some ideas for how to paint our sunroom, which was both too dark (a brick red) and very worn in the paint department and had several complications - like a bunch of wood trim that had quite a bit of water damage (mostly from window condensation). Just for fun, here is a little before and after...

We managed to build up enough momentum after this tough job to tackle three more painting projects (that weren't nearly as hard as this one - painting all of that trip was a real chore, but very much worth it) - the dining room (which has been a dingy light blue ever since we moved in - it is now a rather cheery yellow), the deck (which simply needed a new coat of paint) and the "cloak room", which had a bunch of torn wallpaper. 

This cloak room turned out to be pretty interesting, again thanks to Pinterest. I found a recipe there for chalkboard paint. It was a combination of old paint and powdered tile grout, both of which we had kicking around the basement in abundance from old projects (particularly from our old house, which was a real fixer-upper and caused to become connoisseurs of "oops" paint from Home Depot). It was a messy project as I think the recipe was intended for more of a chalkboard sized area, but it came out pretty well, in spite of the fact that there was a certain amount of mixing that was contemporaneous with the actual process of painting. ;)

This was stage one of the organizing process after-joining-Pinterest. I'm even more excited about stage two because it involves the bane of my existence as a busy mom - paperwork!

P.S. I really ought to be able to find a better after picture of the sunroom. Let me see what I can do...

I couldn't find one from the same angle, but I rather like this one. :)

 

This'n'That, 9/17/11

I recently discovered the Christian band, Future of Forestry (the name comes from a poem by C.S. Lewis) via a link to from Jennifer's Favorite Links. I found a lot of songs that I really like (and a few that just aren't my thing), including this one, called Close Your Eyes...



Another of my favorites is Slow Your Breath Down...



And speaking of slowing down, I've been working hard to slow down a bit - simplify my life and my commitments and it's not easy, but I can definitely see it making a difference in many ways and that it's something I've REALLY been needing to do.

I know I'm always saying that I'm getting rid of stuff, but I really did make an extra big dent in the last few weeks, especially with books, but other stuff too. Sometimes I just have to make myself pretend that I never happened to find it at a rummage sale or whatever because it looks really interesting, but I don't really need it and in the end it's just getting in the way.

We've also been busy with lots of painting projects - inside and out. There's nothing quite like paint to give your house a new outlook on life. ;)

Ria is doing very well at TAC and seems very happy. I can't believe that she's been gone a month already! It's funny how her departure made us start looking at everything in a new way again. It was definitely an impetus behind my simplifying of things around here, both because her departure reminded me of how quickly everything goes (it's not long, really, before other kids are ready to test their wings) and how much time I want to spend with my other kids right now both because of that and because of what we have left to do together before they're ready to go.

We eased our way into school a bit this year by giving ourselves a week and a half (or so) of part-time school before diving in more fully. On our first day of part-time school, I made a list of things for the kids to do, including "spend 15 minutes observing something outside". Well, this first day also happened to be our homeschool park day, so we decided to do our observing at the park. Late in the spring, at the same park, we got to watch a turtle laying eggs in a hole in the grass. We went home to look up when the eggs would hatch, but it was a wide range (9-18 weeks, I think), so we didn't hold up much hope for observing things on the other side. As it turned out, that first day of school, there were some new hatchlings nosing around in the hole and one that had escaped but had fallen down into the curb of the street where it was stuck on the wrong side from the river. Terri rescued it with a leaf and carried it down to the river. She set it down on the bank where we all got to watch it leap in (and it was a tiny thing!) and wriggle around happily in the water. So nice to spend time whenever we like in the greatest classroom in the world. :)

Do You Do Temperaments?

I've been hearing about the temperaments for awhile - you know, sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic - but never really paid any attention to them until recently. I know I had a book on my shelf once about it that I didn't get around to reading and just passed it along after awhile. A number of my family and friends would talk about them and I couldn't get straight which word meant which thing.

But a few weeks ago, the topic kept coming up in the randomest places, enough that I started to have a guess of which temperaments I had. During this random streak, I was at a friend's house and she had a copy of The Temperament God Gave Me sitting out from the library. I picked it up and quickly read an overview of one of the temperaments I thought I was - melancholic. Wow. There was an awful lot of "me" on that page, including: "They are skeptical about what may appear to be simplistic labels and categories - such as the four temperaments." (Ha!) - But really a lot more too, including the need to fight to achieve self-confidence and "Ironically, however, although small details can stump them, melancholics can often handle the truly big crises with grace and aplomb."

I went home and ordered the book right away. I haven't finished it, but have found it quite helpful overall. For those of you who aren't familiar with them, the temperaments refer to the part of your personality which is innate rather than learned. I had a sense that some aspects of my personality that were frustrating to me had pros and cons, but this really helped me sort some of them out and stop battling my own nature unnecessarily and try to work with what I have.

Upon further reading, I discovered that the other temperament I had suspected belonged to me - phelegmatic - was actually the dominant one. The section in the book entitled "Discovering Your Secondary Temperament", which describes temperament combinations, including potential pitfalls, was particularly helpful. This paragraph particularly rings true (and I've been working on doing many of these things, especially in recent years):

This temperament combination can face at times a greater challenge to your confidence than other temperaments (especially the choleric or sanguine). For this reason, when you are facing a major challenge or have been given a multifaceted and demanding project, it will be absolutely critical for you to maintain your level of energy and motivation - not to mention your prayer life - to complete the project. You will want to anticipate the way your moods can get you off track and take concrete steps to maintain accountability in order to remain focused and energized throughout the task. Motivational tapes, exercise, a healthy diet, spiritual guidance, and a strong sacramental life will be critical.

I haven't come close to finishing the book yet, but have found it quite helpful so far. The book is written by a licensed marriage and family therapist.

 

Let Your Yes Mean Yes and Your No Mean No

Originally posted to Chez VH, February 14, 2011 -

Don't you love this bit from yesterday's Gospel?

Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,' and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Anything more is from the evil one.

Can you imagine how much heartache, misunderstanding and general contentiousness could be avoided if people actually followed that?

I think it's an antidote to a substantial piece of what ails our materially prosperous modern culture. It's a pet theory of mine that when people lack genuine hardships in their lives, many of them have a tendency to fabricate their own hardships through complex interpretations and second guessing of what other people say and think and things like that (I am certainly guilty of this at times too!). If you're not fighting for your life or working your tail off, it's very easy to fall into hyper-sensitive self consciousness.

Besides keeping ourselves busy with worthwhile tasks, I think a necessary part of surviving our modern culture is to make a concerted and consistent push towards simplicity (and that this gospel is a great place to start).

What do you think?

Sanity-Saving Ideas for a House Full of "Littles"

Here a few of my thoughts to add to the chorus of those helping out this lovely family with ideas for managing with "their hands full". Hat-tip to Jen of Conversion Diary.

1. Don't blink. Enjoy these little years as much as you are able, because they'll be over SO fast. Enjoy the process. Don't try to do everything. Being with your children is the most important thing you can do for them. Age quod agis.

2. Don't try to be efficient with your little people. Efficiency is for things, effectiveness for people. (with thanks to Stephen Covey*).

3. Keep it simple. Pack up unnecessary stuff out of your way. (Get a storage unit if that helps.) Focus your decor on things that can hang on the wall (and thus out of the way) rather than things on surfaces. Keep hair cuts simple. Store or donate clothes that are difficult to take care of.

4. Distinguish between ideal and necessary. I love the St. Francis quote here: "Start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." For example, it's ideal to attend Mass as a family, but it's not necessary. A different season in your life may allow for more ideal scenarios.

5. Do what works. There are many practical things which are discussed over and over again among moms about which option is better - should I use cloth or disposable diapers? should I have my baby sleep in my room? should my toddler be potty-trained before the age of three? Do what works for you. None of these are important in the long-run, they're simply practical issues.

6. Take advantage of technology. Appliances (especially washing machine and dishwasher) are your friends, as are cordless phones. Online or automatic bill-paying programs can save you a lot of hassle.

7. Aim to do the little things with love. St. Therese is a great inspiration for this stage. I fell in love with the Morning Offering during the chaotic littles stage. It's SO comforting to know that frazzled messes and chaotic tiredness aren't pointless.

8. A little inspiring reading can go a long way. At that stage I really ate up stories of people overcoming difficulties.

9. A few practical ideas:

Socks are cute, but they can be a major pain. Don't buy socks in assorted colors. Let each child have their own color - or even share a color with a sibling.

Felt pens were another thing that drove me crazy when the kids were little. If you must have them, get the washable kind, but in the end I found crayons or colored pencils a lot nicer.

Consider a grocery-delivery service. One of our local stores offered this for a short time, though we had to pick up the groceries, we only had to drive up and they loaded in the groceries in the car for us. (It actually was dropped for lack of interest), but it was the exact six months that we most needed it and it was a WONDERFUL help!

Turn off the ringer on the phone for awhile if it's driving you crazy. Telephones and littles can be a stressful combination!

Remember that children are supposed to make messes. Don't let it get you down. Some day your house will be much cleaner and you'll miss the chaos, if not the mess. ;)

* "You [should] think effectiveness with people and efficiency with things… I see many parents, particularly mothers with small children, often frustrated in their desire to accomplish a lot because all they seem to do is meet the needs of little children all day. Remember, frustration is a function of our expectations, and our expectations are often a reflection of the social mirror rather than our own values and priorities." (Stephen Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

Homeschooling with a Four Year Old during Winter

~ a post for a dear friend who asked :) ~

I feel a little reluctant answering this question right now just because there is the definite risk of making it sound like we've figured out how to run things really smoothly with a four year old in the midst of homeschooling. That wouldn't be an accurate summary. Each day is new and requires creativity and a lot of patience and I feel like I've got a long way to go.

Nevertheless, I do have some ideas that have been helpful for us over time and I can share those here. This is somewhat ironic, because an idea-refresher will probably be helpful to me right now!

1. Some four year olds need more time than others. My current four year old (who will be five on Saturday!) is definitely one of those. The more time I take with him, especially reading picture books or general "floor time" (link courtesy of Willa, from whom I first heard the term) the better. This is probably exactly what I need more time on at the moment, but I've been working on the picture book reading time lately and it's been helping some. Anyway, when he's had this sort of time with me, he tends to be more contented at other points of the day.

2. Think Montessori. Not so much as in all the Montessori materials, but some general concepts. First is not doing everything for them, but allowing them to do as much as they can (within reason) themselves. This "Love2learn Moment" of mine includes a wonderful quote by Maria Montessori on the concept. The second is giving them work to make them happy. Here are some examples from our own Frank when he was a newer four year old. Unfortunately he doesn't always distract himself from temper tantrums so easily.

3. Stay Home a Lot. This Autumn was difficult for Frank, I think largely because we were running around too much. Winter is looking a little calmer and I'm working on not getting so over-booked in the future.

4. Parades any time at all. Here's one old, old post about it. Our favorite "parade" CDs are the Lyrical Life Science and Lyrical Earth Science CDs. I should probably also pull out some of the Wee Sing CDs that have been rather neglected of late.

5. Limiting screen time. Nothing seems to wig out our four year old (in particular) than too much time spent in front of the computer. Movies aren't as bad, but the idea does apply to a certain extent. If we've been over-doing it in these areas for awhile, there are sometimes a few slightly ugly days of withdrawal (reduction, not cold turkey) and then things are happier.

6. Frank, in particular, loves puzzles (including some computer puzzles that I don't mind him doing - like the "drag a state" game here which he's quite good at). He loves any sort of memory game (which the other kids love too as long as it's not the Spiderman one - we have a lovely world landmarks memory game called Heritage that everyone can play together) and he loves workbooks if I can keep up with him in that regard (he cruises through anything right at his level and gets frustrated with anything above).

I think there are more things somewhere in the back of my head, but this was all I could pull out at the moment. :)

Geography addendum for Margaret (because links are much easier here than in the comments):

A good U.S. map puzzle has always been the fun beginning of geography for our littles. Frank has already mastered this one. I sit down with one or more of them and hand out states, naming them as I hand them out. They each try to put them back in the right place. That's usually the beginning point, but it has all sorts of crazy manifestations. This is definitely a picture of some of our floor time.

Online geography games have been favorites around here for years. I have a pretty good collection of links at this very old (2005!) post about preparing for the Geography Bee (it's probably my most googled post ever):

National Geography Bee Prep

We also have loads of geography board games - most picked up from rummage sales and many which innocently teach some completely out-dated facts. :)

God Doesn't Wish us to be Anxious

I recently quoted a part of yesterday's second reading, but thought it was worth returning to the entire passage - which seems so relevant to... well, just about everything. Here's the reading in its entirety (Philippians 4:6-9):

Brothers and Sisters: Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Magnificat Magazine also had this related tidbit in their evening prayer for last night:

Cast all your worries upon [God] because he cares for you. (cf. 1 PT 5:7)

Anxiety focuses our attention on ourselves. Saint Paul proposes that we drive it out by turning to God in prayer "in all things." Then we will be ruled by the peace that frees us to bear good fruit through love for God and our neighbor.

It's so easy to get carried away with worries. Even when no huge crises loom over us (or perhaps especially when no huge crisis looms over us - crises have a way of putting everything into perspective!), we worry about whether we're doing everything we're "supposed" to do for our children and for our families and even for the world. The expectations are often outrageous!

We have to turn to God in simplicity and trust and remember that he doesn't want us to all be cookie-cutter images of some other family that seems to be doing everything perfectly (which is likely an erroneous impression from a distance anyway). What we're supposed to do is keep plugging away, doing the little things with love and continue being there for our children, and not be anxious about appearances.

I've always found it comforting to reflect upon the diversity of the saints. Our modern way of thinking confuses and twists us into, for example, being disappointed if a child isn't able to stand up to the paradigm of what modern society admires in a young person. The modern world admires strength, physical beauty, brains, popularity (not all bad in and of themselves of course). Our faith shows us something else - that God works with human weakness to bring about His beautiful will whenever and wherever we choose to cooperate with Him. I think it's when we start to mistake ourselves for the architects, rather than the workers, of His plans that we fall into anxiety.

Seasoned Mommy

I don't know exactly when I crossed over the line to "seasoned mommy", but sometimes it's kind of nice to be there. The other day I went shopping at Target for some odds and ends needed to have everyone prepared for my nephew's upcoming wedding. I went shopping all by myself (a much appreciated luxury made possible with two babysitting aged kids). I made my way to the shoe aisle somewhat unprepared to pick up something for Frank. I vaguely heard a mom in the next aisle over, trying to get her little ones to behave. I whipped out my cell phone (which I don't usually have on me, because I usually forget to charge it, but that's another story) and was soon talking to Terri about finding a pair of Frank's shoes and telling me what size they were (and which pair they were, as I had a sense of how well they fit him).

While I was waiting for her to look, I heard this mom (with a somewhat frustrated, but friendly tone) say: "I am SO jealous of you right now!"). A few minutes later, she showed up at the corner with a smile and a repeat. We struck up a very pleasant conversation. She wanted more kids, but was feeling overwhelmed. I think she left reassured that it does get easier - I usually like to say that it's not mathematically more difficult with each child. The dynamics change, adjustments happen and there are many joys in having a range of kids from little munchkins to mid-teens.

Now, one funny thing about being a seasoned mommy is that when someone else needs reassurance, I'm often able to find the stories and thoughts that may be helpful to them, but I don't always remember them when I'm in a tight spot myself. Just goes to show how much we're meant to encourage each other. :)

The Problem with Dragon Skin

Okay that's a funny title for a post about decluttering, but decluttering in my house over the last few years has felt like Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, when he's a dragon and Aslan tells him to peel off the layers of skin in order to turn back into a human. He peels off layer after layer, but it doesn't make any difference.

In the last year or so, I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff. I've simplified the amount of clothing we store for various kids (now, instead of keeping each size, I'm only keeping off-season clothes and the clothes between all of the girls' sizes (which really isn't a lot - they're mostly in consecutive sizes). This involved getting rid of a LOT of clothes.

But it wasn't enough. The laundry area was still completely overflowing. Our plethora of great rummage sales pretty much filled the empty spaces back up. A busy Fall season caused me to dump the summer stuff in bags in the basement rather than sorting them out into the appropriate tubs.

And of course clothing wasn't the only problem.

So this Lent I've made decluttering and permanently-simplifying my special project. Here are some of the things I managed to accomplish:

- I made semi-Draconian cuts in the clothing and laundry department so that things could move more quickly through the laundry system. I threw away a bunch of old kitchen towels and wash rags. I made four or five LARGE trips to a local clothing and household items (etc.) distribution organization for the needy.

- I made some purchases to cause one higher-quality thing to replace several poorer-quality things. Especially where this forced me to keep tabs on it. Some of this actually started before Lent. I bought John a decent (not fancy) set of kitchen knives for Christmas. We'd been using a flimsy freebie set since we were married. This allowed me to dump not only the freebie set, but a huge set of nice steak knives we were given and about six or eight other odds'n'ends. I threw away loads of old (mostly dog-chewed) cheap colored pencils and felt pens and replaced them with one nice set of Prismacolor pencils that have to be used in only one location. I got rid of tons of my knit shirts that had shrunk-short (if you know what I mean) and bought just a few tall-size shirts from Eddie Bauer on clearance to replace them. You get the idea.

Anyway, my idea this Lent was something along the lines of (to use a food analogy) choosing a lifestyle change over a diet. I was trying to make changes that would lead to a somewhat simpler existence, which, of course, necessitates changes in the way I buy things as well.

In any case, I think the changes are making a real improvement, though I'm not yet done with the purging (yesterday I spent many hours on the paperwork aspect of decluttering as we had many boxes filled with paperwork in our bedroom and our new mattress is supposed to come today!). The nice thing is that, rather than being frustrated by the loss of things, the family has been quite receptive to the changes and have even voluntarily done a little purging themselves.

And yes, I DO feel more human. :)

The ironic thing is that AFTER all this purging, I'm about to get a bunch of attic space that was never-before-accessible. John has finished pulling out the loose insulation, cut a big hole for the attic ladder last night and is in the process of hauling huge boards up through the hole to line the attic floor with. Probably good that I did some purging first so that I don't simply hide the mess by throwing it all upstairs.

The Holy Father on Fear and Trust

Pope Benedict XVI's Angelus address yesterday was on fear and trust. Turns out to be quite nicely related to my post yesterday (I heard this on Relevant Radio this morning)...

"Let us welcome Christ's invitation," he said, "to face daily events trusting in his providential love. Let us not be afraid of the future, even when it appears bleak to us, for the God of Jesus Christ, who took up history to open it up to its transcendent fulfillment, is its alpha and omega, the beginning and the end."

"He guarantees that in every little but genuine act of love the meaning of the whole universe is contained, and those who do not hesitate to lose their lives for him, will find them again in fullness."

Read the entire article on Zenit

Exactly What I Needed to Read Today...

...and perhaps you'll appreciate it too.

We're just beginning to study the Sermon on the Mount for our catechism class and so I read this today:

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek all these things; and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day. (Matthew 6: 25-34)

Getting My Act in Order...

There always seems to be a lot of things for me to work on in the beginning of the school year - and this year more than others.

I've spent a lot of the last two weeks in the basement, getting rid of things and getting things in order (yes, inspired partly by the mouse problem - which thankfully seems to have diminished/disappeared but also because the annual rummage sale where we take care of most of our clothing/furniture/household needs for the year is coming up in just a few weeks). The place looks a LOT better, but definitely a work in progress.

I've been re-tweaking our daily "learning and helping" list for each of the kids (it comprises a two-page spread in a binder, so it's quite easy to deal with. We started out with three major segments for the day: "Table-time", "Other Learning" and "Misc." This wasn't a bad start and the "Table-time" emphasis (four subjects each - varying according to what the kids have a harder time focusing on, etc.) really helped keep the day in order and get the basics done even when the afternoon was full). The problem was that certain important items on the "miscellaneous" list were getting forgotten on busier days. SO, I added some new sections. Now everyone has a before table-time list (including taking care of pets, making beds, etc.) and a middle of the day chore list. We'll see how it goes. I have a tendency to over-do these scheduling things and then get overwhelmed and give the plan up entirely. I'm striving for a reasonable balance here.

Any reader of this blog probably knows that I love to read. I think it's also true that I love to start books. Naturally, this can get a bit disorganized after a time. I just discovered GoodReads at Melissa Wiley's site and it looks like it will be a nice companion to my LibraryThing organization. Where LibraryThing is intended to keep track of the books you own, GoodRead is for tracking what you've read, what you're currently reading and what you're planning on reading. I opted for the side-bar widget of books that I'm currently working on. I also cleared off most of the mantel in our 'dining-room' (which never gets used as a dining room, but we continue to call it that anyway) so that I can have those books-in-progress handy and try to keep each of them moving along a bit.

One book I've been particularly neglecting is a retreat for mothers by Sister Elizabeth of the Trinity which was recommended by my spiritual director. We haven't met for a few months because both our schedules were crazy towards the end of summer. It's amazing how an upcoming meeting can already start getting me back on track. :)

Also, I joined the Catholic Homeschooling "full circle" group. You can find links to the groups' most recent posts at the bottom of my links page. (It's a long list, so I needed a slightly less obtrusive place for it than the sidebar).

Cardinal Ratzinger on Faith and Hope

from Salt of the Earth again...

To have Christian hope means to know about evil and yet to go to meet the future with confidence. The core of faith rests upon accepting being loved by God, and therefore to believe is to say Yes, not only to him, but to creation, to creatures, above all, to men, to try to see the image of God in each person and thereby to become a lover. That's not easy, but the basic Yes, the conviction that God has created men, that he stands behind them, that they aren't simply negative, gives love a reference point that enables it to ground hope on the basis of faith.

"Be a Friend"

I really liked Minnesota Mom's post yesterday...

Be a friend.Sometimes that’s all we need to get past the mental din and insecurity that assails us. Stephen Covey devotes three full habits to this principle: in opening our heart to another we are “thinking win-win” and “seeking first to understand” and perhaps best of all, we are working together (“synergize”) to get the job done! And our job’s a big one.

Read the whole thing here.

What is Necessary and What is Possible

I've shared the quote from St. Francis a number of times here: "Start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." I use this quote as a motto rather often and it helps me to prioritize things because, as much as I'd like to, I can't do everything and I'm hit by this sometimes more than others.

I've been sick with a bad cold since just after the homeschool conference (a week and a half ago) and was still feeling pretty crummy on Sunday for Bernie's First Communion.

Now, I'm a perfectionist type. I LOVE to have everything just perfect when company comes over (and would prefer to have things perfect all the time!) and I have to deliberately push myself away from that. Sometimes circumstances - like illness - force me into that (and the reminders are good for me!).

I decided that getting down to the "necessary" and the "possible" for our First Communion Day celebration centered around making it a special and beautiful for Bernie. Other aspects were more flexible and impressing relatives with a perfect house was pretty low on the list. And so I did go with Bernie to five different stores on Saturday night to find some pretty white shoes (amazing that we didn't have white shoes for girl #3 in the family - but girl #2 has a way of making clothing somewhat...ahem...less suitable for future special occasions). We had to reach a bit of a compromise with some very pretty white sandals that she wore with lacy socks and she was very happy (the other four stores had nothing that would work - good thing the fifth store had something because those 5 stores within reasonable range of our house and close proximity to each other were my absolute limit - otherwise black dress shoes would have to do). So new shoes turned out to be "possible" though not strictly "necessary".

Getting ready for Mass was more challenging than usual with low energy and last-minute details and the other kids filled in more than usual on helping the little ones get dressed while I helped Bernie with her hair. I got to Mass, looked down and saw that Frank had grass stains all over his pants. I spent a lot of Mass standing in back with Frank so I wouldn't cough on the poor people in front of us (our neighbors, by a neat coincidence) and came back from communion to discover that one little girl who will go unnamed (though I should mention that it was definitely not the first communion girl) went up to communion barefoot because she was having trouble with her shoes (never would have gotten past me if I was in the pew, sigh).

But you know, those little things really didn't matter. Bernie received Our Lord lovingly (and in fact wanted to go to Mass every day this week, which sickness unfortunately overruled), rules about shoes at Church were clarified with a certain little girl, and we had a lovely party and visit with the relatives afterwards. I was remembering, during all of this time, little Gabriel and his family, who also had a First Communion this weekend and had to cancel their party. A healthy dose of perspective and a little "letting go" are just what the doctor ordered.

Cardinal Ratzinger on Joy

from Salt of the Earth: The Church at the End of the Millennium:

Something I constantly notice is that unembarrassed joy has become rarer. Joy today is increasingly saddled with moral and ideological burdens, so to speak. When someone rejoices, he is afraid of offending against solidarity with the many people who suffer. I don't have any right to rejoice, people think, in a world where there is so much misery, so much injustice.

I can understand that. There is a moral attitude at work here. But this attitude is nonetheless wrong. The loss of joy does not make the world better - and, conversely, refusing joy for the sake of suffering does not help those who suffer. The contrary is true. The world needs people who discover the good, who rejoice in it and thereby derive the impetus and courage to do good. Joy, then, does not break with solidarity. When it is the right kind of joy, when it is not egotistic, when it comes from the perception of the good, then it wants to communicate itself, and it gets passed on. In this connection, it always strikes me that in the poor neighborhoods of, say, South America, one sees many more laughing happy people than among us. Obviously, despite all their misery, they still have the perception of the good to which they cling and in which they can find encouragement and strength.

In this sense we have a new need for that primordial trust which ultimately only faith can give. That the world is basically good, that God is there and is good. That it is good to live and to be a human being. This results, then, in the courage to rejoice, which in turn becomes commitment to making sure that other people, too, can rejoice and receive good news.

This really speaks to me! It also fits in with some other things I've been thinking about lately - particularly about the concept of how we can be a "manifestation of God's Love" to others (ala Deus Caritas Est). This seems to be a particularly crucial role for parents to play in the lives of their children. And it's partly about joy, right?

I've also been thinking and talking with people lately (particularly at our teen discussion group this week, which I haven't had a chance to blog about yet) about the importance of being willing to rejoice in what is good and not just overwhelm ourselves with being critical about all the problems out there. Yes, you have to recognize what is bad, but it takes a certain amount of humility - and littleness - to appreciate the good. In our discussion group we talked about how there are a lot of movies being made today that aren't perfectly good in all their particulars, but that have some REALLY worthy elements - things worth rejoicing about. We also talked about how being able to appreciate these might be good practice for appreciating what is good in others - something that can be built upon.

John Paul 2 We Love You! (and miss you)

I still have a rather childish affection for Pope John Paul II. I'm proud to consider myself a JP2 Catholic insofar as he had a huge influence on my faith and formation. It's exciting and comforting to see this same enthusiasm in my children.

I was eight years old when he was elected and I learned soon afterwards that I was born on the Holy Father's 50th birthday.

I was seventeen when he came to California and my family saw him at Laguna Seca Raceway in Monterrey (along with 50,000 other people!). It was so very moving to be there, even though we saw him from a great distance. I'm sure the Holy Spirit moved us in that place (as Minnesota Mom so ably described her experience at World Youth Day in 1993). I do remember that I had a hard time understanding the homily (I've always been rather poor at auditory processing - the crowd, the distance, the sound system, etc. didn't help), and hoped to read it later. Now I can! When he departed in an army helicopter, everyone was waving and crying and I was compelled to climb a bit of scaffolding nearby - to be closer, to express my enthusiasm, I don't know what, but it was a very memorable experience.

The rest of the connection to me is more wrapped up in his presence of faith, hope and optimism that carried through my awareness of Communism and his involvement in its collapse. Such a witness to the power of faith and hope! Such a powerful testimony to the reality that God raises up saints to change the world with him! When I am overwhelmed with the evil that goes on in this world; when I am frightened for my children and the harm that might come to them; it is his "Be Not Afraid!" that puts me back on the right track. His words were brought to life for me and so many others by his witness and by his actions during his lifetime - particularly as he continued to work and witness even in his suffering and illness.

Here's one of my very favorite articles published around the time of his death which tells an important piece of this story so very beautifully...

Why, the pope asked, had God lifted a Pole to the papacy? Perhaps it was because of how Poland had suffered for centuries, and through the 20th century had become "the land of a particularly responsible witness" to God. The people of Poland, he suggested, had been chosen for a great role, to understand, humbly but surely, that they were the repository of a special "witness of His cross and His resurrection." He asked then if the people of Poland accepted the obligations of such a role in history.

The crowd responded with thunder.

"We want God!" they shouted, together. "We want God!"

What a moment in modern history: We want God. From the mouths of modern men and women living in a modern atheistic dictatorship.

Read the whole article here.

I gathered a bunch of goodies (as well as the ever-present book reviews) at the time of his death on this love2learn page (I didn't start blogging until later that month, otherwise I probably would have posted the links here).

Look for a whole "fair" remembering Pope John Paul II here later today.

Also see "Pope John Paul II: One Step Closer to Beatification"