These both really happened this week...
"Quick guys, clean your eyebrows, the ____ family is coming to visit."
(The middles had been having WAY too much fun with some face paint and were under the impression that they had already washed it all off).
"Oh sure, you can borrow the eyeballs for your literature skit - but I just have to try to find the other one - it's been missing for awhile."
(The eyeballs are from a funny little Shakespeare - King Lear kit that one of my co-op students gave me for Christmas one year - as a matter of fact it was that very same student asking to borrow them for her skit - though they were doing Oedipus - and alas, I was unable to find the other eyeball).